Insomnia! Who is really to blame? 

He told me I needed more hours of sleep.  There was no way I could sleep at 2 am and be up by 8am he insisted. And to him,  this idea was crazy and unhealthy. (yes, I know it’s unhealthy but it’s not me who does it. Its my brain. 😿😿😿😿😿😿) 

Except, for many years  I thought less sleep was rather good for me.  For my self development health. I was being active.  Very productive. I  was spending my hours as a night owl getting better than my previous self. Reading blogs from Richard Branson,  stalking entrepreneurs,  harassing my kindle, typing a new novel idea, or re-watching The Bourne Legacy. Films have taught me this. Books have taught me this. Motivational speakers have taught me this.  To be the best at your game, to out-compete the others, to be the champion,  you have to work while they sleep. dream on,  work on, it’s how we become number one in class and be Ben Carsons. How we get scholarships,  how we become the best athletes.  How we become the best in our fields.  Work at it restlessly. Until you make it.(now I can confess I haven’t made it there yet, but with all this positive vibe from Will Smith and Les Brown, I am sure I am on track).  See, It was the only way I knew.  How could people sleep for 12hours? Did they have no dreams?  No ambitions? Look, I am just trying to be better than I was yesterday. To be the kind of global citizen I fancy.  Shouldn’t I be rewarded for my effort? 

 All the billionaire romances presented my billionaire as a hard worker.  He had seen a lot as a child,  so he took every hour to improve himself. And that is where I drew my inspiration. Telling myself I would be restless until I made it.   See,  it’s really the state in which I was raised.  The one I put myself into.

  What about boarding school? Isn’t it our parents that took us there?  To be better children, presentable academicians?  Excellent performers?  

School wardens or matrons banging our dormitory doors at 4am? So who am I to be blamed?  I have read the dangers of sleeplessness and I know. Yet I have practiced this habit for so long, I can no longer just walk away from it. So my brain knows that when we have slept five hours,  we are both up. About and active.  Not like I have no intention of living to old age, but I am just curious?  Is there any one else who goes through what I go through? And if so, who is to blame? Because as much as I would like to admit that this self improvement race is all on me, it all started eight years ago. When I was fourteen, and my parents thought boarding school was for the better me, and my school thought 4am was the time I was supposed to be up. And I thought night howling was the game.  Except, my night owling was never compensated for that much during day.  It has never been. Now for a person who studied under such a system for six years, had their share of this pain/ 4-5 hour sleep routine in college for an extra more years? 

 Is  insomnia really their problem,  because while I can put such days behind me,  I still struggle to sleep ‘the normal/healthy’ prescriptions that our health enthusiasts emphasise. Yet I know they are right. But there is a major problem.  The hours are dropping ranging between 3 to 5 or slightly higher sometimes . waking up various times while trying to stay asleep,  but this thing is really not working.  And if there is a mission unaccomplished, we won’t sleep at all! 

Its a major struggle. No sleep if there is pressure.  For over the years and with this adulthood,  amidst responsibilities and dreams, the case has even worsened.  Then what bred what?  These things bred each other, and we ended up with a bunch of insomniacs…  Very productive individuals who don’t sleep.  Teens and adults.  Creatives and workers… 


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